Relationships are significant in life because by having them, we make connections with people who may help us in one way or another. It doesn’t necessarily have to be romantic; platonic and work relationships are also a thing. The point is to have someone always, somewhere that you can discuss things with depending on the circumstances around where you are. For instance, a working relationship means you’d have to discuss work-related stuff and maybe get personal later.
However, if you are looking for a romantic relationship and are not all that experienced (because this is someone new and you really want to see if you could connect with them deeply before anything else), how do you begin?
Well, it all starts with asking the right questions and getting to know them beyond their names.
If you want a romantic relationship with someone, you should spend more time with them and show commitment in the process. If you have no intentions of dating the person or you see the person differently – not as a lover, you shouldn’t commit yourself to do anything that would make the person feel led on.
That being said, below is a list of questions to get to know someone better. You can ask them and see if you are a perfect match or, instead, maintain a platonic relationship.
20 Questions to Get to Know Someone Deeply
1. What Do You Wish Everyone Knew About You?
It is not surprising that most people have different habits or attitudes that everyone else doesn’t know about. In fact, it is great that people don’t know everything about someone because such a person could be predicted easily. Or maybe a few people know that information, but they belong to the inner circle.
So, if you plan to get to know someone, make sure you find out what most people don’t know about them by asking this question. You could make it to the list of the only few people that know that information, which is definitely one step to getting personal and intimate.
2. What Are Your Pet Peeves?
Generally, everyone has something that irks them when they see, hear or feel it. For some people, it could be personal, while for others, it could be them seeing someone else do it and flare up. For example, someone’s pet peeve could be seeing someone use a word in the wrong text, or finding somewhere disorganized, or anything.
Getting to know their pet peeve is important because the little things do matter when you eventually start a relationship with the person. You don’t want to get on their wrong side for something so trivial and inconsequential.
3. When Was Your Best Birthday? What Memorable Present Did You Get?
Another form of intimacy is getting to know one of the moments of their lives – their birthdays. Some people take birthdays seriously, while others don’t. The reason is often personal, and asking them to share it means you want to get to know them beyond just friendship. You want to know what makes them happy.
So, ask for details of their best birthday(s) – how it went? The people who came? The best present they received? With this information, you know whether birthdays are a big deal to them or not, and also what they appreciate the most as gifts.
4. If You Could Change Something About You, What Would It Be?
At one point in time, we’ve all had to make a wish to change something about ourselves. It sounds silly because it is almost impossible to change what already exists. However, it is still worth asking.
You could find yourself being told that they wish they had a different nationality, gender, career, family, or something else. This kind of information may sound very funny because “who would have thought?” but it does mean something to them – there is always a reason they wanted things to be that way.
5. What Are You Extremely Proud Of?
Another important question you could ask is: “what are you most proud of?” This question is very sensitive because you want to share a part in their achievements and successes. It may not be something that happened to them – maybe someone else, but the fact that they connect with it and it makes them happy says a lot.
In them discussing what made them proud the most, you get to know their interests and things they love to see happening to them. That, itself, is another level of intimacy when getting to know someone deeply.
6. What Are You Ashamed Of?
As they share their successes and proudest moments, you can also get to know the bad sides – what they are ashamed of. Now, the answer to this question may come in different forms – it could be funny or sad, depending on what the person describes.
If what they are ashamed of is funny, you could laugh it all out and even bring up similar situations you’ve been in. On the other hand, if it is sad, you can motivate them and say the good things you think will make them feel better. Regardless, you are both bonding with this question.
7. What Do You Think Everyone Talks About in Relationships but is Overhyped?
Having relationship talks is no harm at all. Even if what you might become with the person is a platonic friend, get to know their perceptions or ideologies about relationships.
You may not want to go straightforward by asking if they’ve been in a relationship or not; instead, you could start with what they think is overhyped in a relationship. You could have similar or conflicting opinions depending on what their answer is. Whatever it is, you are getting an insight into what they think about romantic relationships and the kind of lover they would make.
8. What are Your Goals and Aspirations?
Trying to make a relationship with someone means you should know what their goals and aspirations are. You want to know what the person wants out of life – their career, and what kind of lifestyle they would love to live.
With this question, you can also deduce if their goals align with yours or not. That way, you can tell if the person is the right one or not. Matching goals are important because it would determine the longevity and strength of your relationship.
9. Do You Feel Accepted and Loved?
The most important thing when considering a romantic relationship with someone is knowing whether they are accepted and loved or not. It is often said that people cannot give what they don’t have. Meeting someone who hasn’t always felt loved and accepted can put a strain on a relationship.
Now, you can fight to make the relationship work with the person, but you’d have to know that it will be a project for you. Therefore, you must know what you are getting into with the person’s acceptance by other people close to them – family or friends.
10. What Has Happened To You Before That Changed You?
Another intimate question you can ask a potential partner is one from their past – what changed them in the past. Naturally, people tend to become different after a revelation or an event that happened in the past. It could be good or bad, but it sometimes affects them and gets in the way of a relationship.
For instance, maybe they had someone so dear in the past that died. That kind of event can change anybody – in fact, it makes people think that nothing really lasts forever, so there is no point putting the time and energy into loving someone.
11. What Job Would You Suck At?
If you need a good laugh over a couple of drinks with a potential partner, ask what job they would suck at. It is one of the funny questions to ask because you would really know what they suck at doing the most.
Imagine they tell you that bartending is the worst job they can do because they would probably mix a lot of nonsense, giving people diarrhea. That, right there, is a good laugh. You could play the whole scene in your head and from there talk about other work-related things.
12. Have You Always Been Treated Badly For Being Good?
While trying to connect with someone, you should also get to know their relationship with people. Do they go all the way out for people they love or consider as friends, or otherwise? And how do these people treat them in return – good or bad? It is one important question that will also give you insight into how they’ve been treated generally as a person and how you can do better if you end up together. As a matter of fact, you could get to know some of their friends from this discussion.
13. Would You Rather Be Rich and Single, or Comfortable and With Someone?
Wealth talk is also important when getting to know someone deeply. First, you want to find out what they think about what money means in a relationship and how much is needed to have a sustainable one. Next, you want to discover what they would choose if they were left to decide between money and love.
So, an interesting way to ask is if they would rather choose to be rich and single or be comfortable with someone they love. If their answer is what you want to hear, then something good might come out of this talking stage.
14. Do You Think Men and Women Could Stay Just as Friends?
Friendships mean different things to different people – especially when it involves men and women. Getting their opinion on a man-woman friendship situation is also a great way of knowing the person better. You get to know their ideologies and what they think regarding men and women staying just as platonic friends without anything sexual.
If this person’s point of view aligns with yours, that means you see friendship the same way. However, if the person has a contrary opinion, you can also accept it, but you would know what the person wants if you don’t end up as partners.
15. Have You Ever Been Loved The Way You Wanted?
If you are starting to see the green flags in someone you like, you can properly start asking them questions about love. First, you could try to get to know about their previous relationships but not directly. You could ask them if they’ve ever been loved the way they wanted to.
If they have, ask them to tell you how it felt – or give full details. From this answer, you are picking points on how to love them if you get the chance to. If you could keep up with it, then starting a relationship with such a person won’t be a bad idea.
16. What is a Regular Day With You?
Another important question you might ask someone you think of a relationship with is how they spend their time. You could start by asking how a regular day is spent by them – what they do? Where do they go mostly? Do they work the whole day or take leisure time seriously? These are great questions because not everyone would be able to provide the time and attention you need when dating – some would give excuses for work or something else.
17. What is Your Idea of a Perfect Date?
See if a potential partner is a romantic one by asking what they think a perfect date is. It sounds almost irrelevant, but it is – this question gives you an idea of what romance means to them and how special this person could make you feel when you properly go out together. If the person shares the same idea of a perfect date with you, there is no way you won’t be going on one later.
18. Would You Love to Be Married and Have Kids?
Get what they want out of a relationship by asking one of the deepest and most consequential questions. Ask if they want to be married and have kids – if they do, how many? The reason for this question is that you don’t want to be caught in a situation where you want kids and your partner doesn’t – it doesn’t always end well.
So, apart from providing you with what the person thinks about marriage and kids, or family in general, this information also helps you decide if the person is right for you or not.
19. If You Could Spend a Day Doing Anything Asides From Work, What Would It Be?
Learn whether this person prioritizes other things over their work – something that would keep him from his day-to-day, old boring activities. Ask what they would rather do apart from work. It is a deep question because you understand what they actually desire and talk more about embracing it since it is what they want.
20. If You Could Live Happily Somewhere Forever, Where Would It Be?
At a point in time, everyone has wished that they could live happily ever after somewhere – oftentimes, people choose a very quiet place away from the whole hustle-and-bustle of the city. Learn where a potential partner would rather spend the rest of their life with a family and see if it fits your style.
This question may not be so relevant because eventually, not everyone gets to live where they actually wished to. Nevertheless, it is a great conversation to have, and it allows you to connect deeper with the person.
There are many questions you can ask someone to get to know them deeply; however, those listed above are some of the consequential ones. So, as you ask, not only are you satisfying your curiosity but also getting to know if they will be more than just friends to you.